The Apartment Ad

10:57 AM Spence 0 Comments

Just in case you missed it... here is the ad I wrote to sell the contract for my apartment. If you know anyone looking, please pass the info along so I can sell this puppy. Gracias.
When I signed this contract for my senior year, I had a perfect life envisioned for myself. I was a single guy looking for the perfect BYU Bachelor Pad, and I found it. I can testify that you won't find anything better.
Things were going great, but everything changed within the blink of an eye when something unexpected came along... I got a new job. Yep, still single. Were you expecting a romantic BYU love story? Please... So, ladies- even though this apartment is a men's contract and not applicable to you, I am still very applicable. Anyway, my awesome new job is only 2 minutes from my parents' house in Salt Lake so I'm living with them. I've heard that's very beneficial for your dating life.
Have you ever lived in a place with carpet where you were scared to walk barefoot? Fear no more, my friends. This apartment home is laced with new(ish) carpet you can actually feel between your toes. None of that matted garbage. Sometimes I like to lay my head on the carpet just to be close to the fibers. If my parents didn't have similar carpet, I would not even consider moving. Honest.
You, sir, are about to live in the "master suite." It is the largest room I have ever seen and comes fully loaded with a desk fit for a king, a full-size dresser that smells of pine in the fall, a couch - yes, a couch in your room. It's leather. A perfect bachelor couch. My favorite thing to do on this couch is sit down and put my socks on. You have your own bathroom. No more sharing for you. You can now shower in your own filth. Also, did I mention the walk-in closet? Here's the thing, you can actually WALK-IN it. This is the one thing I cannot bear to leave. This closet is approx. 20 times the size of what my parents have to offer. No joke.
Then, there's the one thing I know you're wondering about... the bed. Sick of crappy, cheap apartment beds? Back still ache from those awful mission beds? Well, I have a treat for you. This is the most comfortable bed offered in BYU housing. It is also full-size so you have room to toss and turn when you're having nightmares about showing up to class in your underwear and forgetting that formula you memorized for your final exam. You won't even have to share the bed with anyone, nor can you! After all, this is BYU approved housing and your room is far south of the chastity line.
If you do want to entertain a lady friend, the couch in the front room is the greatest thing since sliced bread. I sat on it once and I never wanted to leave. You have an extremely long "corridor" on the way to your new room. It's a perfect place to practice if you plan on being a long-jumper or want to practice your back-handspring. You can get to your room with style and class.
If you don't have plans on a Friday night, never fear. Who needs a girlfriend when you have a front-loader washer and dryer?! Pull up a chair because you're going to enjoy a relaxing evening listening to some Rihanna, eating popcorn and watching your clothes go "round and around and around.." And if you're curious like me and have ever wondered what happens on the "permanent press" setting, you're in for a treat. No spoilers, you'll have to see for yourself! **Popcorn included.**
The internet is included with the contract. You will have covered parking. So whether you drive an Aston Martin or a Geo Metro, you won't be scraping snow off your car this winter. It seems like a long way away, but you'll be cursing yourself in December if you don't take this contract now.
The deposit is $300, which I am willing to pay for you. I understand the power of a good incentive. You know you want the perfect BYU bachelor pad until April 2014.
Questions? Comments? Concerns? Please email or text first