Shiz Friends Say"Did you know that there are only 5-7 percent of people that can smell the foods they eat in their urine? And, I am one of those people. This is why I don't get dates."
"We tried to do it again. I mean, we tried to sleep together again. It's just his head and his back and his hips... They don't settle down!"
-Grandma Sharon (while talking about how Grandpa has to sleep in a chair rather than the bed...)
"I just don't like that they have chicken balls on the menu." -Mom
"Well, they have chicken breasts, why not chicken balls?" -Spencer
"You're right. They are just an equal opportunity restaurant." -Mom
"You should've seen your mother trying to protect my breakfast burrito!" -Dad
"Oh, you're allergic to shellfish?" -Waitress
"I haven't done this since I done it last time!" -Grandma Sharon
"You must be careful what kind of lettuce you eat. I'd stick with Romaine. Iceberg is what makes you gassy." -Grandpa Chuck
"I'm just really against bunny blasting." -Courtney (completely serious)
"I don't think you understand how passionate I am about wind power!" -Linze
Around the dinner table:
"Tanner, I sure hope your new family in Australia has a sense of humor..." -Me
(To me) "Well, you're just lucky that we do!" -Mom
"Me? What? Why?" -Me
"Are you kidding me?! You're freaking crazy!" -Mom (I wish she was kidding...)
One of my new co-workers was making fun of himself by how he pronounces 'two by four.' He says tube-uh-furr. While that was supposed to be the funny part of the story, he starts out with the phrase...
"So I was cutting my couch in half..."-Tyler the co-worker
"I wasn't going to have one of these red bulls, but that noise freakin' pissed me off. All I want is to scroll on my computer, but now I'm just gonna binge on caffeine." - Tyler the co-worker
While singing Alicia Keys' "If I Ain't Got You..."
"I know that song better than I know my wife." -Tyler the co-worker
"Get your hands out of your pocket, twit!" -Mom
(She really has something against Cat Deeley).
"Well, Spence... You're just going to have to make everything look good... except your face!" -Dad
(My family reeeeeally loves me...).